Whatever

Musings

Well who knows. First care home St Paddy’s gig .It went fairly well and I have a run of them this week. A Stick thin old lady in chair with a full size baby doll in her arms she and could hear the music but she was somewhere back in her past i suppose. After these gigs am back into live music purdah ☘ 🎻 Its all or nothing at present it seems. I am having more generalised low level anxiety again. After the next few gigs I may just try and work on getting my head a little better. Longer days and a few walks may help. Whatever happens on a personal level requires a different approach from me now. I have got stuck in a view of life that’s not practical or realistic anymore and its fuelling stress. I know this. Hence the morbid musings I guess.

Diana Stone Live

Frustratingly the last recording I was working on is not going to work out at present so I shall move on to the next thing.

Here are a few of my most recent efforts:

I am almost out of manuscript paper! Yes I know actually paper that you write with inky things on. As I don’t have a keyboard connected directly to my pc at present music software is not an option. I really should sort that out though as I have a Bluetooth equipped keyboard. I must put in my diary to try that out. It connects for audio so maybe there is an app?

Currently I am living in the past watching vintage TV shows and stuff. My back is complaining quite a bit at present.

When will it ever be enough?

Live in the Moment Quotations

Study as if you were to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.
– Isidore of Seville

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
– Buddha

Life is only available in the here & now. The past is already gone, and the future is yet to come…there is only one moment for me to live…The present moment.
– Thich Nhat Hanh

Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee.
– Montaigne

If you have one eye on yesterday, and one eye on tomorrow, you’re going to be cockeyed today.
– Anonymous

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.
– Jan Glidewell

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
– Euripides

Study as if you were to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.
– Isidore of Seville

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
– Buddha

We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine.
– H. L. Mencken

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
– Chinese Proverb

The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.
– Abraham Maslow

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
– Charles Dederich

We are always getting ready to live but never living.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do.
– Jean de la Bruyere

I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It’s amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor. – D.H. Lawrence

The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. 
– Abraham Lincoln

Today is life – the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. 
– Dale Carnegie

One should count each day a separate life.
– Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Nothing is worth more than this day.
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven’t done much today.
– Anonymous

Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.
– Albert Camus

Learning is movement from moment to moment.
– J Krishnamurti

Today is the blocks with which we build.
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I have memories – but only a fool stores his past in the future. 
– David Gerrold

Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.
– Coria Kent

In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you.
– Leo Tolstoy

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.
– Morris West

The more I give myself permission to live in the moment and enjoy it without feeling guilty or judgmental about any other time, the better I feel about the quality of my work.
– Wayne Dyer

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
– Benjamin Franklin


March Onwards

Musings

Truth…

“That desire which is in us all to better other people’s condition by having them think as we think.”

Mark Twain.

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”
-A Farewell to Arms, 1929

Ernest Hemingway

A new piano tune:

My doing nothing is really not nothing but it feels a bit like it at present. Writing music, recording it, releasing on line. Actual real people listening to it. Some messaging me with quite thoughtful comments. That’s not so bad. Yes I am a bit more achy this year, so live leaping about may well need to be kept to sensible limits. But the old ways don’t work any more. I had a conversation with Brian the guitar player in our covers band about music and we are about a year and a bit apart in age. We both enjoy playing but we have limitations in terms of energy now. Rehearsal was good but tiring. The bands good but just doesn’t play enough to be match fit in some respects. It was obvious to me that Brian was like me exhausted before he even got there. Covid did rob me of a few years of decent gigs but the lockdown allowed me to take my on line music to a much higher level and reach. How I feel about stuff has changed. This year in particular. As I said before I don’t need to chase unicorns and rainbows. I will just do what I do until I cant or I feel its not good anymore. I am in uncharted territory now. I am now 5 years older than I ever predicted I would be. I am softening my attitudes.

One of my online music websites has now just gone over the 100,000 plays mark. So across all the different outlets that provide stats I can verify its now about 300,000 plus. So weirdly I travel hardly anywhere now or gig yet these people do listen. Many are much younger than I am. A lot are in war zones too. They would I suspect be quite disappointed if my actual wrinkly self were to manifest in person to perform. I am getting quite reclusive now. I don’t expect even having got thus far to have the kind of longevity that you have so attempting to kick of another live act from scratch seems a nugatory effort certainly at present as the effort versus the returns no longer seems worth it. So I shall let my mind wander where it will. Bit tired. Not so depressed recently despite aches and pains. At present just plodding on with my own music doings. I think it may actually be enough that people do listen to my music and seem to enjoy or get something from it. I am definitely feeling my age more recently. Exercises are useful of course but they cant fix approaching 60 years worth of bent spine. My back went peculiar just after puberty pretty much. I was tired after last night’s exertions at rehearsals so I slept right through...

What’s that?

Yes, its another one of those. I wonder how it got in?

Strange Days Indeed Reprised

Musings

I have had a slightly frustrating week with not too much achieved again to be honest. Having decided to not pursue frustrating but ultimately dead ends further there is a bit of a void right now. I haven’t been out for 4 days and I haven’t felt like it either. I have had a very weird week mood wise. Mildly depressed but doing stuff and somewhat confused about what to do, where to go next. I am drifting a bit.

The latest middle east US/Israel war on Iran has just kicked off too sadly.
It never gets any better does it?

Isaiah 2:4 (KJV): “And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into ploughshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more”.

Today I have been staring out of the windows a lot in-between other stuff.
There is a saying “Its not over till its over”. But what if its over and nobody told you. Maybe you just didn’t get the memo? I am a little bit in lockdown mode again. I think my decision to not actively seek other musical opportunity’s at present was a sensible one. I can always change my mind but will remain open to offers so to speak. I have been chasing stuff solidly for about 3 years or so and apart from working with people I already know nothing has worked out really. I thought it was something I was doing wrong but I have realised it really isn’t. Of course the voice in my head will still always say “I haven’t done enough” though.

So I will just try and float on the breeze for a while at least as its better for my self-esteem and mental health. Maybe when the weather improves I will visit a few old haunts. I am at a tipping point of some sort. I don’t want to drive my self crazy just banging my head against the wall if possible. And certainly in the first couple of months of this year time has caught up with me a little plus concern abut Alsions various health issues problems.