Making music with other humans is what is missing for me. That is why working with the Invisibles is so important even though we hardly gig we are at least interacting and creating something. If I needed money I would do IT in some aspect but frankly I don’t. If i was gigging regularly I would get a new car to cart people and gear around in but no gigs means no point. I could pay about £150 a month to get a decent motor. People that used to offer me gigs don’t anymore as they cant get anything. Looking back over the last 4 years my live music performances have really just withered away to nothing relatively speaking. That’s got me very depressed too.

What’s happening?

I have talked to several people about the not being able to find people to work with problem. They all say the same thing nobody is interested. I am in touch with a really good percussionist/drummer (all styles and has worked with allsorts) and it seems people just cant be arsed he said. You get in touch you chat and then they just don’t follow through? BTW its not an age thing or a trans thing as you don’t disclose that and it seems to affect every age group.

Out of a working life of nearly 55 years paying my stamp as they used to call it from the age of 15 I really only earned decent money for about 8 years out of the 13 at the Civil service. Most of my life I have never had an much of an income and by my standards I am wealthy on my 2 pensions.. I could buy more instruments or a car of course. But money was never a motivation for anything for me.I know a lot of creatives from artists to alsorts who basically managed to buy a home and then it all becomes irrelevant if you have enough to live on. I have accrued money from music (gigs plus PRS/PPL).

There’s no fix for this other than meeting a musician/creative type that’s up for treading the boards in a room with breathing, possibly drunken and smelly, shouty people ♥ The thing is working with anyone on music requires engagement and some sort of comment and most people I meet seem to be poseurs and dilitantys. Music that I have written and recorded is played all around the world and it earns me a little money every year and so If I never played another payed gig that doesn’t really change my status or my history.

I am not rejecting anyone other than on grounds of total lack of ability by which I mean cant sing in tune or play in time and sadly there are a lot of those. You can be an unpaid amatuer and totally brilliant and in the case of folk music particularly perhaps played publically a lot but bit mostly not for a fee. The main difference between Musicians and pros is one gets paid for what they do. Its only at the top with sight reading session and orchestral players that there is a very,very high standard but a lot of of pros don’t have that ability in the rock and pop world. Jazz guys usually have the technique and theory but never get paid for anything except teaching usually. I am not chasing paid work I am looking for people that want make music and maybe be a bit creative.If no one’s interested I will just go further into promoting on line with video and so forth. I do not intend to stop playing and creating by choice.

“How would your personal identity as ” professional musician ” be impacted by a choice of ” no financial aspect”?”

A friend asked this question recently. Well I have as have many others always done some stuff for free to promote or genuine charity stuff. I use professional in the sense that they are not an arsehole and can play and have the motivation to do stuff. It’s about attitude really.

I love my new couch, if only it was real.

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.

William Shakespeare

Its September. It was always a favorite month of mine.
I hope for a few good things may happen with the change of season. rather than just the colour of the leaves. Hope springs infernal and the devil makes work for idle minds. Well I have I confess I have found it so quite often.
I have shot a few arrows in to the blue these past few days and I hope that one will find the gold perchance. The business of finding new people for musical ventures is something I have not done for many years. So I need to use my best resource management head to see what I can make of it all and preferably not a mess.

That dream you were chasing, how is it working out for you?

If you can and its within your power let everyone have that little special moment in the sun or in the spotlight and try and tread lightly on those dreams..

That’s all folks.

I am getting weirder and weirder thoughts everyday now and my judgement is well off so I must beware of risky behaviours.
One day at a time. I have a bit of crazy in my head at present to be honest. I am Ok but my judgement is a bit wonky. A little bit irrational So I shall avoid making any sudden moves so to speak. Asking “what is the point?” is one of the most profoundly human things you can do. It usually happens when the scripts we’ve been given—work hard, buy things, repeat—start to feel hollow. There is no single, universally agreed-upon answer pre-written in the stars. Instead, how you answer this question depends entirely on the lens you choose to look through.

Thanks Google but that didn’t help much..

..1. The Existential Lens: “You Write the Script”

Philosophers like Jean-Paul Sartre argued a concept called existence precedes essence. This means you were born first (you exist), and it is up to you to define who you are and what matters (your essence).

• The Point: There is no inherent point built into the universe, which means you are entirely free to assign your own meaning to it. You are the author, not a character reading someone else’s lines.

2. The Absurdist Lens: “Embrace the Chaos”

Albert Camus famously noted that humans have a desperate desire for meaning in a universe that offers none. He called this “the Absurd.” His solution wasn’t to despair, but to rebel against the meaninglessness by living anyway—with passion, freedom, and irony.

• The Point: The fact that nothing matters externally means the pressure is off. You can enjoy the coffee, the sunset, or a good book simply because they taste, look, or feel good right now, without needing them to serve a grander cosmic purpose.

3. The Biological Lens: “Keep the Chain Going”

Well I do appreciate it though old chum.

Today I have had to pull out of a gig due to feeling poorly which is not something I feel comfortable with but sometimes it’s necessary, and this is one of those times. Here is my latest song: It is a trance/world music fusion thing.

“Try it out, Wheres your Sense of adventure”

Sadly, I haven’t managed to progress with a few things I had thought would have started to blossom and bear fruit projects wise. Once you get to a certain point new beginnings become very difficult and that’s where I am at now. Things are also a bit difficult on the domestic front too and my partner is getting mobility issues. So I am stuck in the glue of the virtual world feeding on it to keep my endorphins flowing. The series of heat waves has without doubt worn me out. Physically and mentally. I was feeling a bit low so I treated myself to the latest Spielberg movie ‘Disclosure Day’ and I enjoyed it very much. The plot was a mashup of every UFO/UAP story/theory ever. But very well done I thought. And it sort of has a positive ending.
I think people can see there is something fundamentally wrong with the way things are; climate, government, Trump, migration and so forth but they really have no idea what to do about anything. It’s also obvious that neither do a lot of the people in power. A lot of the old ways of being just aren’t working too well. I need to rethink things. I have a slight tendency to hang on a bit too long in dead horse flogging terms. Tenacity is not always a virtue. There is always a plan. I am out of sync with my my musical wants and needs and my actual live music activities at present too.

Last night I was chatting with an 80 year old chap in the USA. He sends me pictures of his garden (not a euphemism) and was at the Airbases and at Saxmunden in the 70s. I do chat to blokes that are polite and not waving their bits at me. Interesting insights in to average unfiltered life in the middle class seniors community in the US. They spend a ton on meds even if they do have good insurance or veterans health benefits. Most of my musical mates have escaped from the middle classes and did have good executive/clerical managerial jobs. I don’t have any proper working class buddies my aging musician demographic. In fact looked at in the cold light of day I did the same as I got in to the Civil Service on an open entrance exam was middle management grade by the end and jumped ship and took an early pension and a home owner. So did I change class?
No not really.

And the final thought for today, often people don’t appreciate you if you just go quietly and efficiently about your business and don’t always value you even of you go well beyond your required duty’s to be helpful. Often it comes as a shock to discover this sadly.