Freedom of speech, balance…
Funny how these things seem to have very different meanings.
Depends on whose agenda you are pushing.
Well, it’s been a bit of a funny month so far. Some miscommunication about various things has caused a few hiccups. A few more positive things have happened and it looks like a couple of useful musical connections have been made. Still having some other dreams verging on nightmares though I am sleeping a bit better. I do still wake up a little bit shaky though. That seems to be a regular occurrence at present. However, when I do remember my dreams are not particularly disturbing. It is her there is some great brooding and seen presents. Which is at the back of my mind. It just seems to be the lurking won’t shift. a lurking non-specific existential angst monster which the sunshine does not seem to illuminate even at its brightest.
In practical terms everything just about sort of roles on. Not quite grinding to a halt, but more something turns up variety. I am plodding on with various musical projects. No surprise there then. That’s my only kind of regular point of reference the one thing that I always do. The depression hasn’t given up on me. It’s still there but I’m sort of working through it and I’m doing things. I still can’t quite seem to slip into gear and get on with other things. That would really help me go forward. I still haven’t felt comfortable enough to try and get involved instead in what’s going on in my new neighbourhood much. It’s not just anxiety, it is also basic introversion. Most days I start off with a good intent but it doesn’t often convert to action.
Mostly it doesn’t convert to anything at all. There are one or little bits of serendipity that lighten things a bit. I’m not stuck in a state of permanent twilight l It’s not that sort of depression. You might say it feels more like exhaustion. I’ll try and make the effort to get back to people quickly when they email or communicate with me. Sometimes even doing that gets a bit difficult. Its like my mind going blank and having nothing to say. Can’t really remember time quite like that before. I’m sure there must have been though It’s not as if there’s been anything terrible going on in the last few month. I pretty much rolled along the same as usual although it’s been a little bit quieter because I haven’t had the usual number of musical expeditions. Whether that’s going to change much. I can’t really say. All one can do is crack on. In a month or so a it will be a year since Vicky died. In many ways it doesn’t seem anything like that long. I still find it hard and have to remind myself. Simple things like not making a phone call to share a bit of news. That is one of the hardest things.
So typical day is exercises for my back, a couple of hours piano practice. Mostly to keep the fingers moving, bit of writing and composing. Working on recordings. Sorting out stuff as I have far too much recording gear now. I had my own set up. Vicky had a studio set up but that was mostly my stuff which I got for the band over the years. Tha has now come home and stuff I have inherited too along the way. I need to sell a few bits.
Annoyingly also I cannot type for very long due to back and shoulder problems so that has restricted some things I would like to be doing as I cannot type for an extended period of time. I do use speech recognition software a bit but, it still requires a fair amount of editing. That’s easiest done typing on a keyboard.
On the live music side I do have couple of new people to work with which should make things a bit easier to get going again. I am wary of trying to book much in the way of gigs yet though until I am confident of peoples commitment and abilities. Some things can’t be rushed through.
This time truly the “Center cannot hold”
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Der Mittelpunkt / The Center (English subtitled) from Simon Schares on Vimeo.
This is an ad I have running as I need a player to work in my duo.
I am based in Bedford England. Ideally looking for people who are local.
You can contact via the website link above or on this email.
firstname.lastname@example.org with the word duo in the heading.
Looking for a guitar player (vocals useful but not essential ), preferably acoustic to work as part of a duo for occasional gigs, say 2 to 3 a month (pubs or similar mostly with occasional weekday gigs ) with Violinist/ keyboard player/ guitarist multi-instrumentalist 20 years solid gigging experience. Also published songwriter and composer.
Music would be a mixture of originals and covers ranging across world music to folk and more.
An ability to improvise would be useful.
Some ability to work from lead sheets would be helpful but not essential.
A couple of examples in performance.
Violin and Kora duet
Original song “Just another Someone”
I have seen some very sad posts on Facebook recently. A lot of people seem to be going through a very bad time, many with mental health issues. I have always hated this time of year. Last year I would have phoned Vicky and we would have moaned about life in general but usually felt better after doing so. Vicky helped me a lot by seeing things in a more hopeful light. There was always after having a chat the notion that things would work out and something would turn up and usually often just in the nick of time it did.
I hope for those of you that are in need something turns up.