F**k this hospital shit, I am about on my limit now…Don’t want to say what i am thinking out loud right now. It feels at present as though everything worthwhile in my life that mattered or had any point in my life is now permanently beyond my reach. This is going to break me. Not the pain, not the indignities, but what’s left?
I can’t do this, I really can’t…
So yet more medical issues have occurred so its again 5 steps forward and 3 steps back as yet another issue hits out of the blue. My sense of humour is running thin now. And my patience.
Oh boy, what next, a plague of frogs? I give up. Will it ever end? Doesn’t seem as though it will.
I am starting to unravel a little as I write this. Somebody give me a break.
Well it turns out that truth is stranger than fiction after all. But maybe now I have turned a corner finally with at least one problem. i will not get too excited yet though as I have been caught out before.
Today is not a comfortable day though. Aches and pains again. Maybe tomorrow will be better we hope. Today I had another blood transfusion. Kind of weird though as it’s still a very odd thing for me. Hopefully that will help things along a little.
I am feeling a bit shell shocked. Even though the news is actually good mostly. I can’t really share too much information. But also I am feeling a bit rough at the time of writing. So this is a short update.
Oh dear, oh dear never mind. I am still waiting for news and there is still none.
What to do. Well just waiting is really about all there is to do. The ward is not quiet at night and sleep was difficult. So each day is a new challenge to a degree. And no end date sight either.
A general air of gloom could easily pervade everything.
Well now I am back with common people. But I am free to roam as I have no infection and so I can use the loo or go to the shop in theory now. Hurrah. Perhaps I will go exploring tomorrow?
It’s a thought at least. I am fed up and grumpy certainly of course though but I have a strange resignation towards it and a detachment with almost an air of depersonalization.
Home seems like a distant vision of an unearthly nirvana now. I know it exists but its quite unattainable at present now without a further trial by ordeal first and even that I must wait to be called to the challenge.
Hospital routine is relentless in its regular but slow rhythm. Injections and tablets and being stuck. Its hellish.
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