My head. You don’t want to wander around in there uninvited if you know whats good for you. Far better take care and beware I say. Its monday as I write this having wrestled with a violin part for a recent tune that turned out to be more of a stretch than I anticipated. It has worked out although I did think at one point I would have to abandon it. I will let the rest of the world judge its worth or lack of same.
I seem to be having a lot of headaches at the moment, which might be sinus related. It’s tiring. Still I have had a reasonably useful day. I need to do some minor organization and tidying up in the studio room as its getting a bit messy and unpleasant to work in in some respects. Due to lockdown and other stuff have though spent far longer in here at a stretch than I used to though, but then I have also spent far longer at home that for any time in my life in the last 20 years or so . As I write this I have become quite anxious and can not seem to shake it off. Its weird as it always seem to come out of nowhere, blown like invisible spores. Sometimes the body is sending signals for a reason too that one does not always receive and respond appropriately to.
Music projects are proceeding as expected. There is not much likelihood of anything live on the horizon at present unfortunately. Its still looking very much like this year continues to be flat in that respect. I do miss live performance a lot. Both the musical and the social aspects equally. I also miss the phone calls that no longer come and the now permanently absent friends. That takes the wind out of my sails with a vengeance and then I am becalmed and likely to become ensnared in a mental sargasso sea of stagnation. Its like standing at the very edge of the universe knowing that you can never return home. You could go forward but never back as its expanding faster than you can fly. I stole that from a recent film as it fits the bill.
Covid is still with us after 19 months or so and affecting pretty much everything to some degree or other. The new normal doesn’t feel anything like normal to me to be honest. And I have lost my confidence in public spaces having hardly been in any for 9 moths or more. The lack of social interaction is also wearing me down. I am keeping a reasonable outlook on the whole, but some days are very hard work. I wonder if it’s going to be like this going forward for me now? If I try and relax I get anxious, but I get just as anxious when I do have something to do even if it’s something I am looking forward to. At my age I should be long past this sort of rubbish. I feel like a teeanger but I am getting hale and ancient. When I actually remember how old I am it comes as a shock to the system like plunging under a very cold shower or the feeling when you wake from a dream and feel completely disoriented.
My new release “If I Am Spared” is now live on streaming services
Spotify https://open.spotify.com/album/7lS2Oxo2CHi06Lg9F0yMOY
Amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B09B5D4M96/ref=dm_ws_sp_ps_dp
Youtube music https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_kSJtNpSm-TblrYvwgB9dU6-sIEyMzE6EM
Apple https://music.apple.com/gb/album/if-i-am-spared/1578105477
And the other place you can google for 🙂