Define success, what is it really? Much of what we desire materially we don’t really need though it might well make us feel better, though often not for very long and then we “need” some new thing.
My life seems like a perpetual drawn game (bad sporting analogy, it being world cup and all that), mostly you gain a little then you lose a little, then things pop back to a state of equilibrium but actually its really just entropy when you view it from a more distant perspective. A bit like spread betting in a way, as you think your actually making a gain but statistically on average your not. My frustrations in life mostly come from the fact that due to the state of my mental health if I push myself to try and realize my potential at some point the fuse go’s and I don’t quite make it. My decision making is often flawed as the underlying mental weather can start brewing up a storm which I am not aware of and i get blown off course. This happens less then it used to as I am more aware of it now, but being aware does not confer the ability to transcend the problem, as you can’t really step outside of your head generally speaking, paradoxically even when you are “out of your head”
I have been lucky enough to make choices that have allowed me to survive but perhaps not always those that would make me thrive and often there’s a big gulf between those.
On the level of my artistic pretensions with regard to music I have managed to do one or two things that I am quite pleased with along the way and perhaps that’s as good as it gets. I would like to do more but just can’t keep up the energy, as I don’t have the obsession and or drive that’s needed and trying to force myself usually is counterproductive. On top of that I often seem to hold several conflicting views at any one time which could be interpreted as lack of commitment or some form of dilettantism I suppose?
Not sure what I am trying to say here to be honest.